I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
