Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
