Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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