I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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