She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
