i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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