I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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