I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
