my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
