You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
