I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
