You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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