when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
