i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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