Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
