I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He kissed a someone with a penis
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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