all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
