I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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