im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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