I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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