Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So squirting runs in the family.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
