Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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