My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
