how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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