Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
