can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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