You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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