i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
