No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
