It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize