i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize