..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
