At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
