Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
