ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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