honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
