So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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