Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize