i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
