Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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