She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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