Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
