I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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