tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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