Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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