Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I intend to get homeless drunk
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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