am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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