I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and she was petting her beer can
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
