you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
