i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
