Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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