The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
