I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
