I accidentally had phone sex last night
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
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Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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