i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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