HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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