I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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