i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We're too hungover to prance.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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