How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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