my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
