How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I need to align my fucking chakras
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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