between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
