I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
