I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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