Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
