Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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