I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
