In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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