The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions