Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
