it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
