Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
