Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
