____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
